Tarnished Stars Written with Insaneantics
by Faith Alana Alastair
Summary: WARNING! This fic contains dub-con, non-con, drug use, drug abuse, and character death! Also, lesbian sex. Don't say you weren't warned, dark!fic is dark.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This was written with insaneantics, and it couldn't have been done without her. Go on over and check her out, okay?**

**AN2: This is dark. WAY dark. **

Rachel made her way carefully around the 7-Eleven, one hand on the brick wall to keep herself upright, the other trying to adjust her disheveled shirt. She was preoccupied, fumbling with one of the buttons, and didn't notice Puck leaning against the building as she rounded the corner, almost colliding with the mohawked football player.

"Noah! What are you doing here?"

Puck looked her up and down. "I could ask you the same thing, Berry. You look like shit."

Rachel hastily straightened her appearance as best she could, pulling her sleeves down roughly. "Thanks. Really what I needed to hear right now." She gritted her teeth and pulled slim fingers through her hair, trying her best to comb it straight. She felt a hand on her back, and knowing who it was she tensed and straightened.

Puck shrugged. "Whatever. Dude you're with of age? I need some Natty Light."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Of course, why else would Noah Puckerman give a damn? "Jesus, Noah. No, I'm not like you."

"Like me?" he growled. "Nah, I'm not the one sneaking around behind 7-fucking-Eleven with some dude, drunk and probably stoned off my ass, Berry." He turned, preparing to saunter off. "Hope you used a condom. Wouldn't want another Quinn."

Rachel waited until he was out of sight, then turned back to her companion. "God, I hate him so much," she said through tight lips. "Is there any left? My buzz is dead."

The man nodded. "Plenty. Always plenty for you."

Rachel stepped back into the shadows again, holding her hand out. White powder was tapped out onto the back of her hand, and she leaned down to it, breathing in quickly. Sniffing heavily, she wiped off her nose and repeated the process again. "I suppose I'll have to pay you for it…" she trailed off, leaning into the man and kissing along his neck.

He groaned, and pushed Rachel's shoulders, forcing her down to her knees. The sound of a zipper echoed through the alley, and Rachel leaned forward, her nose pressing against denim. As soon as he finished he was gone, just like that, leaving Rachel to wipe her chin and slump along the wall to a sitting position, her short skirt practically around her waist. She watched the man leave, tilted her head back against the wall and could only cry at her situation since she knew she didn't have the time, energy, or the real determination to change it.

Hours later, she woke up in the same position, grateful as always that she hadn't been raped in her stupor, but knowing full well she'd deserve it if she was. She straightened herself more carefully this time, and headed into the store for her daily Red Bulls.


	2. Chapter 2

_Rachel sat on the edge of her bed, the box of decongestants in her hand. She stared at it for a long while before opening it, downing two of them, and closing her eyes. A few minutes later, she stood and moved to her desk, finishing her homework in record time._


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel hurried into the girl's bathroom between math and English, going into the end stall and locking the door behind her. She sat down on the toilet, slipping a compact out of her bag. She heard the giggles of a group of girls passing the door and her head snapped up and she froze. When the main door didn't open she pried the compact open and poured out the remainder of her stash onto the small mirror. She meticulously broke down the powder as fine as she could with the razor she kept in the compact and arranged her line. She found her straw and exhaled deep before holding the straw in her nose and running the edge of the plastic tube along the line and inhaling deep. She quickly ran her finger along the remnants and rubbed along her gums. Her hands shook just a little, the razor blade was poised between her fingers. She pushed the sleeve of her sweater up, revealing scars and welts along her arm, and she slid the shard of metal through her flesh, not really feeling it but feeling everything at the same time. She slipped the blade back into her compact and tucked the compact back into her purse. Yanking the sleeve of her sweater down, she stood and exited the bathroom to see Quinn standing by the sink.

"So, adding Amy Winehouse to your repertoire, Stubbles?" she sneered, looking Rachel up and down. "Or have you just given up all together?"

Rachel looked her in the eyes. "Whatever you think I am, or were, forget it, Juno. I will not accept your childish name calling or judgments anymore." She had fire in her eyes, and she spun, walking out of the bathroom. Quinn watched her walk away, mouth hanging open.

The brunette made her way to English, the high buzzing around in her brain but not quite at its peak. She slid into a seat next to Brittany, Santana on the blonde's other side. "Hi Brittany." She smiled at the blonde.

Brittany smiled back, but Santana leaned across her before Brittany had a chance to respond. "What's up with the Stepford impression, Berry? You're robotic, even for you. It's creeping me out."

Rachel shrugged, and shot Santana a look. "Sorry. Fabray cornered me in the bathroom." She pulled out her notebook, and looked down at the desk.

Santana and Brittany exchanged glances. "Do you want to come over after school, Rachel?" Brittany asked innocently.

"Sure, sounds like fun," she mumbled unenthusiastically. Sure, smoking weed with the two Cheerios was a good time but it didn't do what it used to. Still, she had to maintain the Rachel-Berry-is-a-gold-fucking-star façade and so she accepted Brittany and Santana's offers whenever they came, just as she had done the very first time they had approached her.


	4. Chapter 4

_Rachel, leaning against Brittany, took the offered joint from Santana. "I feel kind of bad for leaving Quinn out," she said, inhaling gently and coughing a bit. She took another hit, and handed it to Brittany._

"_She's been terrible to you, Berry," Santana said crossly. "Even further than I would go. I don't go around making it a habit to pop girls' cherries then brag about it. We're your friends now."_


	5. Chapter 5

Rachel stood outside, tapping a toe impatiently and checking her watch every fifteen seconds. "Where the hell is he?" she growled quietly but angrily to herself. Turning, she saw who she was waiting for, and she exhaled. "Finally. You have it, right?"

He nodded. "I've got it. I'll give you a taste now, but third period I expect to see you in the back of the auditorium." He quickly passed her a tiny baggie.

Rachel slit the bag open with her nail, and took a small scoop. She held it up directly to her nose, pinching one side closed with her fingers and inhaling quickly and deeply. "Not at school. Listen, I'll meet you after school, where I always do. I just needed a…"

He held up a hand. "Don't waste your breath, Rachel. You know what the price is. Third period. And now it's up your nose, so you owe me." He turned on his heel and walked away, not giving her a chance to argue further.


	6. Chapter 6

_Rachel furrowed her eyebrows when Quinn shifted away from her and sat up on the edge of the bed. The blonde searched for and found her pants that had been discarded under the sheets of the bed they'd found and pulled them on._

"_Quinn? What are you doing?"_

"_What's it look like I'm doing, Man Hands? I'm going back downstairs to the party."_

"_But…we just…"_

_Quinn scoffed and located her bra and shirt. She quickly finished dressing and headed for the door, she had one hand on the doorknob when Rachel let out a quiet whimper._

"_Didn't this mean anything to you?" Rachel asked softly._

_Quinn smirked down at the brunette and laughed. "Whatever, Treasure Trail."_


	7. Chapter 7

Rachel hurried through the building, trying to make it to her next class without being tardy yet again. She hated when her connection took longer than expected. Finn stepped out of the boys' room, and nearly collided with her.

"Whoa, sorry Rach. Didn't see you coming."

Rachel looked up, startled. "It's okay, I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm in kind of a hurry. I don't want to be late for class." Rachel put on her signature, fake, Rachel Berry smile, motioned down the hall, and attempted to keep going.

Finn reached out, placing a hand on her arm. "Wait, Rachel, I kind of wanna talk to you." He furrowed his brow. "I've been hearing some stuff, and I just…are you okay?" He tilted his head to one side, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, a strange look on his face.

Rachel nodded hurriedly. "I'm fine, Finn. Just tired. Meet me in the choir room after school, and we can talk and get in a little practice, okay? I really have to go, though. If I'm late again I'll get detention." She called the last over her shoulder, picking up speed down the hallway.


	8. Chapter 8

_Rachel pushed the door open to the girls' bathroom, and stopped dead, the door swinging closed behind her. April Rhodes stood at the sink, bent over a mirror on the little shelf, snorting a white powder through a straw._

"_April? What are you…is that what I think it is?"_

_April straightened, looking over at Rachel with a smirk. "Don't tell me you're clean, darling. All us stars have to have something to keep us going." She held out the little straw. "Come on, indulge, baby."_

_Rachel turned and walked out._


	9. Chapter 9

As the bell rang for third period, Rachel slipped into the auditorium, heading for the stage. As soon as she slipped into the wings, she felt a presence behind her.

"Come sit." He moved to a chair, well out of sight, and sat down, patting his lap.

Rachel screwed up her face in shame and disgust, and gingerly sat down on his lap.

"Uh-uh. Facing me."

As she stood and turned around, he unzipped his jeans and freed his cock so when she straddled him she felt it against her sex through her panties. She shuddered and closed her eyes, willing herself not to vomit, and a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Just…can we get this over with?"

He held the baggie above his head, his back arched so it was just out of reach. "Dance."

"What?" She asked incredulously. "What the hell do you mean?"

"Dance. Grind on my lap, Rachel." He moved his own hips suggestively and pressed against her harder.

Rachel closed her eyes tighter, and moved against him, grinding. She felt him harden and her stomach churned when he pushed her aside a little to slip a condom on.

"Can't I just…"

"You want this," he shook the bag, "you earn it."

Rachel nodded shakily and he pushed aside her panties and positioned himself at her entrance, grabbing onto her hips and pulling her down on top of him. Rachel bit her lip and whimpered as he moved inside her.

When his guard dropped Rachel grabbed the bag out of his hands, and used her nail to scoop some out and inhaled. Luckily she'd never fully come down from the 'taste' he'd given her just a period before. The bump she now snorted jacked her back up and she was blissfully oblivious to what the man under her was doing to her. Suddenly, he was groaning, and he grunted hard, then relaxed in his seat. She felt him slip out of her, now limp, and she reached up her skirt, fixing her panties.

"Thanks for the blow," she said quietly before running out of the auditorium.


	10. Chapter 10

_Rachel's eyes darted around the AV lab, it was empty save for the one person she needed to talk to. The "vitamin D" wasn't doing it for her anymore. She needed something...more. The thought came to her when she was watching on the news about the latest arrest of a Hollywood starlet for drug possession. It made her mind flash to the afternoon she saw April Rhodes in the bathroom._

_The target of her mission turned around then startled when he noticed Rachel standing here. He grinned and it took everything Rachel had to not recoil and run away._

"_I need your help," she said. "I…need something. I know you have connections that could possibly get me what I want. I'm willing to pay."_

"_You know I don't want money from you," he said with a smirk._

_Rachel took a deep breath and closed the distance between them. She looked up into his eyes, her own eyes wide and pleading. She trailed a finger along his jaw. He gasped and Rachel smiled. She circled him, her fingers trailing down his neck and over his shoulders. Once behind him she pushed his hair away from his ear and blew on the shell. He shuddered._

_"What do you need, Rachel?"_

_Desperate times called for desperate measures. And Rachel was desperate. Desperate enough to offer herself up to Jacob Ben Israel._


	11. Chapter 11

After school and thankfully gym class where she could shower and change since she felt disgusting after her encounter with Jacob, Rachel walked into the choir room and crossed to the piano. Finn looked up and his face darkened.

"Rachel, what's going on with you? I keep hearing these rumors…And why are you dressed like that?" He gestured, indicating the black jeans, fishnet shirt under a red blouse, and dark makeup. "You look like Tina, except, y'know, like, not."

Rachel squinted at Finn. "Excuse me? Finn, I don't think how I dress is any of your business. How do you know I'm not researching a role?" She sneered at him.

"I don't, I guess. I'm just kinda worried about you. You seem kinda…different." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

"Well you shouldn't worry. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. And you can ignore whatever vicious rumors you're hearing about me. Shall we practice?" She handed him a sheet of music.


	12. Chapter 12

"_Rach, if I start, I won't be able to stop." Finn looked away, embarrassed. "Like, if you're waiting or whatever…"_

"_Don't worry about it." She didn't bother to tell him he was really late in getting there, actually. Others had been there before._

_When Rachel stood up again, fixing her askew clothing, she knew he'd never know, either. She snorted to herself, and let herself out of her room to use the bathroom. "You really need to not be here when my dads come home." She didn't even bother turning around._


	13. Chapter 13

Rachel passed the twenty dollar bill to Sandy. "Thanks, Mr. Ryerson. My father will appreciate this, he's in so much pain lately."

Sandy nodded, his eyes wide. "I didn't know you could get cancer of the elbow."

"Not elbow, Mr. Ryerson. Wenis. It's the muscle underneath…never mind." She held out her hand, and he dropped a small manila envelope into it.

"Well wish him luck." He straightened the sweater around his shoulders, and turned to leave. "And Rachel?"

"Yes, Mr. Ryerson?"

"You don't need to lie to me. I don't particularly care why you want it." With that, he walked away.


	14. Chapter 14

Rachel smiled up at the haze above her as she leaned her head back against the couch in Santana's basement. Brittany nudged her to take the last drag off of their final joint and the brunette inhaled deep, making sure to get every last bit she could before handing the end back to Brittany to dispose of. She settled herself deeper into the couch and let the THC work its magic. Her thoughts drifted everywhere and nowhere at the same time but she was broken from them when soft, warm lips pressed at her collarbone. She opened her eyes and lifted her head to see Brittany with her nose buried into her neck. The blonde smiled and kissed a line up Rachel's neck to her jaw.

"B? This is kinda... new." Rachel let her hand trail down the cheerleader's side, however, not really minding.

"I just…really want to touch you, Rachel. I want to make you feel good. You're always so unhappy." Brittany kissed Rachel's lips softly, kneading them with her own, and cupped the brunette's chin with gentle fingers.

Rachel glanced over at Santana while Brittany kissed down the other side of her neck. She was absolutely certain she was going to be met with a death glare and possibly a punch to the face. Instead she was met with a smirk and a gentle kiss from the Latina.

"Relax, Berry," Santana whispered. "Enjoy the ride."

Rachel did as she was told, relaxing back on the couch's corner cushion and allowing her hands to wander over the two Cheerios. Brittany smiled, and leaned over Rachel, kissing Santana deeply, their eyes meeting, then began to tug at the hem of Rachel's shirt. Rachel let Brittany pull her shirt over her head and toss it away. Her hands resumed their positions, one on each Cheerio. Santana kissed down her chest, Brittany eagerly captured her lips again. Rachel let out a soft moan when Santana's teeth dragged along her skin.

Brittany kissed her way back down Rachel's neck to her shoulder, then trailed further down her arm, aiming for the spot where her flesh met Rachel's, but didn't make it that far. She furrowed her brow, concerned, and traced the marks and scars with her fingertips, asking, "Rachel? What's wrong with your arm?"

"Huh?" Rachel looked down at her arm then back up at Brittany, eyes wide and panicked.

"What?" Santana asked, looking up from Rachel's chest. "Let me see."

Rachel tried to pull her arm away from Brittany's grip but to no avail. Santana stared down at the marred flesh and her jaw dropped.

"The fuck, Berry! Are you fucking kidding me?"

Rachel scrambled back against the couch, trying in vain to cover her chest and arms at once. "I..." she started and stopped immediately.

Santana visibly swallowed hard and glanced over at Brittany who looked like she was ready to burst into tears at any moment.

"Berry..." Santana finally managed to gasp.

Rachel just stared into space, not really sure what was happening. She was beginning to dissociate, she knew, and desperately wished she had some coke left to take away the fuzziness from the pot. "What, Santana?" she asked tiredly, all the fight gone before it had manifested.

"You want to let the rest of the class in on why exactly you have fucking track marks up and down your arms?"

"I...I think you already know the answer," Rachel said solemnly, her gaze dropping to the floor.


	15. Chapter 15

_Rachel shook her head to clear it, and realized she was downtown./i"That was some high,"ishe thought, blinking. She was in front of the public library, a few feet from the bench where the homeless man, "Patches" always slept. He wasn't there now, however, so she felt safe enough to sit on the steps._

_She opened her purse, and dug through it, looking for the bag she knew was in there somewhere. "Where is it?" she exclaimed to no one in particular. Realizing she must have already snorted the stash, she slumped backward, elbows on the step behind her._

_"I got some'in oughta cure yer shakes." A voice from behind her startled her into alertness. "Come on back behind the lib'ry, I'll share."_

_Rachel followed, curious, and the man led her behind the building, and down a flight of stairs into a basement. "Me 'n my boys, we keep warm here," he explained. "Have a seat, make yerself comfor'ble"_

_Rachel sat on an upended milk crate. "I assume you have a name," Rachel said quietly._

_"Name's Peter, but they call me Patches." He turned over another crate, and opened a zippered case, setting it on yet one more crate. He set a candle down, and lit it, pulling out a bent spoon from the case. "You got one too, I'll bet."_

_"Ra...becca. Rebecca." She wasn't sure why she didn't give him her real name, she just didn't. She watched as he tapped some powder into the spoon, and pulled a syringe out, uncapping it with his teeth, and setting the cap down._

_"Don' worry, it's jus' fer liquid. I got clean shit over here." He patted a small box next to him. "Always got t'have clean ones," he said more to himself than to Rachel. He drew in some water, and squirted it into the spoon, capping it and sliding it into the case. He reached down into the box, pulling out a bag of syringes. "Grab one outta there, fer me?"_

_Rachel took the sealed package, and tore it open with her fingernail. Extracting one, she passed it to him, and wrapped her arms around herself tighter, the shivers beginning to set in. She watched him hold the spoon over the flame, until the liquid bubbled and the powder dissolved._

_He picked up a tiny cotton ball, dropped it into the spoon, and drew the liquid into the syringe through the cotton. "This'll fix ya up real good."_

_His hand went to his belt, and Rachel felt sick. "Here we go again," she thought. But Patches just undid it, and slid it out of the loops, as he turned to her. "Lemme see yer arm, pretty girl."_

_Rachel held it out, and winced as he rolled up her sleeve, the scars bright and prominent. He took no notice, however, and wrapped the belt around her bicep, pulling it tight. She grit her teeth, and he slid the needle into her vein, pushing the plunger._

_Rachel felt herself sink into a feathery bed, surrounded by warm, fuzzy things. She sank deeper, her limbs beginning to feel heavy, and let her mind wander. It felt like she was falling asleep, but her mind was racing._


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel pulled her shirt back on and attempted to cross her arms over her chest but Brittany caught her wrist and pulled the sleeve up. She glanced between Rachel's eyes and the scars and track marks marring the brunette's tan skin. Brittany dropped her head to press a kiss to the scars then locked her eyes with Rachel's and chewed on her lip. Rachel felt Santana's glare on the back of her head.

"Rachel," Brittany whimpered. "How come you have these? Did you get in an accident?"

"Listen," Rachel said. She turned her attention to Santana who was in fact glaring at her. "It's no big deal, okay?"

"Track marks, scars and fresh gashes are kind of a big deal, Berry."

"What's that mean? I don't get it!"

Rachel sighed, frustrated. "It's okay, B."

"No, it's not, "okay, B"! Rachel's been shooting up. Drugs. Bad drugs. And from the looks of it she's been slicing herself open to top it all off."

Rachel's gaze dropped to Brittany's fingers still wrapped around her wrist.

"But...why would you want to do that, Rach?"

Rachel looked away. "Because, B, sometimes it's easier to go away somewhere in your head than it is to stay here."

"No, it's because you're fucking stupid," Santana scoffed.

Rachel snapped her head up. "I'm... what?"

"You're fucking stupid. Oh, and a coward. You think life's so fucking hard, princess? With your nice house, and your gay dads, and your amazing fucking voice... which you've probably ruined now..." Santana stood up, pacing. "What's so terrible, Berry? Really. Enlighten me to what is so horrible that you could put **that look **on Brittany's face. Because really? I don't see how you're the victim here."

"Santana, it's no big deal, okay? I don't shoot up anymore and I didn't do it for that long anyways." Rachel plastered on a small smile. "It's fine."

"Bullshit!"

Santana marched over to Rachel's backpack and Rachel attempted to jump off the couch before Santana instructed Brittany to hold her back. Brittany wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders while Santana rifled through her bag.

"Santana, I told you! I don't shoot up anymore, now please stop..."

Santana inspected Rachel's compact and Rachel made the mistake of gasping. The Latina pried it open and looked down at its contents then back up at Rachel.

"God damn, Berry. I am **so** glad you don't shoot up anymore! Because, you know, snorting coke?" Santana held up the small almost empty baggie, a small trace of white powder was stuck in one of the corners. "**So** much fucking better."

Rachel warred with herself, torn between wanting to defend herself somehow, and wanting to grab the bag from Santana for the trace amounts it contained. The inner battle drained her, and she sunk against Brittany. "I don't have an excuse. I know, I'm pathetic, and weak."

Brittany hugged Rachel to her. "I don't think you're weak or pathetic, Rach. I think maybe you made some wrong choices, that's all. But we want to help you, right, S?" The blonde looked up at Santana.

"Yeah. We do, actually. For whatever reason, I've come to like you, Berry. I don't really wanna see you throw your life away." She dropped the compact on the table, and moved back over to the couch, kneeling on it next to Rachel and Brittany.

Rachel sighed, looking defeated. "How about I stay the night? We could watch a movie, or... something... You guys could watch over me or something... I dunno how this works."

Brittany brightened. "I'll call Mr. Ryerson!" She explained further, as Santana shot her a look. "Well, it'll help with the sickness later."

Santana had to admit that was a rather good thought. "Okay, go call him. I'll go get you some PJ's, Berry. Don't move."

Santana disappeared up the stairs and Rachel looked longingly at her compact, knowing there was just enough residue in the baggie to give her a tiny little bit of a high. Brittany got up and started pacing behind the couch with her phone. She waited a few seconds then Rachel glanced back to see Brittany had stopped pacing and her back was turned. Taking the chance, she lunged forward to the coffee table and pried the compact open. Brittany was still talking. She dug her finger into the baggie and pulled out the last little pinch of white powder and inhaled deep before shoving the baggie back into its place and returning the compact to the coffee table. She leaned back into the couch and waited patiently, Brittany dropped down next to her and wrapped her arms around Rachel, Santana returned a few minutes later with a stack of pajamas.

"Mr. Ryerson said he'd be over in twenty minutes, S." Brittany updated the brunette Cheerio.

Santana nodded and looked over at her girlfriend, and her friend, and her scowl softened. "Thanks, B." She turned to Rachel, sitting near the two of them. "Rach, can I ask you a question?" her tone was careful.

Rachel nodded, the tiny buzz she'd gotten quickly disappearing, her mind slightly fuzzy around the edges without the clarity the cocaine usually gave her.

"Where are you getting it? Mr. Ryerson's the only drug dealer I know in Lima, and he only sells pot." She lay a hand gently on Rachel's leg, her thumb rubbing gently over the denim.

"Jacob Ben Israel." Rachel's eyes widened. She'd spoken without thinking, and now she couldn't take it back. Damn it, if only she'd had more, she'd have been thinking straighter. She silently berated herself for her stupidity.

Santana looked at her in disbelief. "JewFro? Seriously? What the hell did you have to do to get him..." She trailed off, watching Rachel slip into a dissociative state with the memories of earlier in the day. "Rachel? What the hell is he making you do for this?"

Brittany looked back and forth at Santana and Rachel, understanding dawning. "I think I know."

Santana looked up suddenly, Brittany's words registering late to her ears. "What? What do you think, B?" She felt bad talking around Rachel, but the brunette didn't seem to even be there with them.

"She had sex with him. Probably a lot. And she probably didn't want to." Brittany chewed her lip, looking hurt at the very prospect.

"I'll kill him," Santana muttered under her breath just as the doorbell rang upstairs. "That's Ryerson. Hand me my wallet, B. Sit with her, will you?" Santana softened slightly.

Brittany nodded, and Santana ran upstairs, coming down moments later, tossing a manila envelope on the table.

Rachel stayed cuddled with Brittany on the couch, the blonde was determined to not let the brunette out of arm's reach, while Santana started rolling out joints. The Latina lit one up and handed it to Rachel. She smiled appreciatively and took a deep drag and handed it back to Santana. Brittany put her fingers under Rachel's jaw and turned the girl's head toward her and smiled. Before Rachel could let the smoke go, Brittany pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Rachel exhaled slowly, Brittany simultaneously sucked in then kissed her again.

They handed the joints back and forth until the haze that had disappeared earlier was thick again. Santana reserved the rest of the stash for later. Brittany rested her head on Rachel's shoulder and kissed at her neck, she slipped her fingers underneath the hem of Rachel' shirt and traced her fingertips on Rachel's stomach.

"B...B, what are you doing?"

"I just want to finish what we started," the blonde said. She kissed Rachel's neck. "I want to make you feel good like I said earlier, remember? Wanna make you..." another kiss, "forget."

Rachel groaned and nodded. Santana came at her from the other side, her lips blazing a trail up Rachel's neck. Brittany pulled Rachel's shirt off for the second time that day and Santana again kissed down her chest. The Latina ran her hand up Rachel's jean-clad thigh and parted her legs to press her fingers against the smaller brunette. Rachel gasped at the contact. Her mind left Santana's basement.


	17. Chapter 17

_Rachel sat on the edge of the stage, swinging her feet, her hands planted firmly on either side of her. She watched the two auditorium doors carefully, the note she'd received in her locker earlier that day had said fifth period, and now here she was._

_"Glad you could make it." Jacob's voice was heard behind her, in the wings. "Come back here."_

_She sighed, and slid off the stage, jogging up the stairs and walking into the wings. "I changed my mind, Jacob. I don't want it. It was a stupid thing to do, asking you to obtain..." her words were cut off by Jacob's finger on her lips._

_"Shh. It's a bit late to change your mind, Rachel. This powder cost me a pretty penny." He held up the bag and advanced, his single digit on her lips pushing her backward. "I don't mind spending money on beautiful things, but when I do, I better get my money's worth." He backed her up to the wall, and shoved the baggie into her blouse. "That's for you..." he trailed off, grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her to the floor. "And this is for me."_

_Rachel struggled against him, but he was stronger than he looked. He held her down with a forearm across her chest and shoulders, hastily undoing his pants with his other hand. She whimpered, and began to gear up for a scream, but he moved his hand to her mouth, and pressed down. "None of that, you wanted this." He pulled a condom out of his back pocket, and opened it with his teeth, jamming it on his dick and rolling it down. He guided himself to her entrance, fingers moving her panties aside, and pressed inside._

_Rachel did scream then, but Jacob's hand contained it. She pushed against him, but being on top of her, his weight was too heavy for her to move. He thrust into her over and over, and she felt her cheeks get wet from her own tears. It hurt, and he was heavy, and she just didn't want this, but she didn't have a choice._

_Finally, it seemed he was finished, as he grunted, and went limp, sliding out of her. He looked down at her, beaten, tear-stained, and limbs askew, and trailed a hand up her thigh, ever-so-gently, till he was at her sex. He ran his fingertips up and down her slit, then suddenly pulled back, shoving himself back in his pants, condom and all. "Tell a single person, and I'll slander you all over my blog so fast Coach Sylvester won't know what hard is." He turned and disappeared out the back door to the stage._

_Rachel sat up gingerly, the pain and shame prompting fresh tears. She shakily got to her knees, and bent over to stand, the tiny baggie falling out of her top. She picked it up, and looked at it, pondering for a long moment before tapping out a tiny amount onto the back of her hand. "Here goes everything," she whispered, inhaling it quickly._


	18. Chapter 18

Rachel blinked a few times at the loss of contact from Brittany and Santana. Her eyes darted back and forth between the blonde and the Latina who were both looking at her, eyebrows furrowed.

"You stopped breathing," Brittany said. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Rachel stammered. The stammer was a mistake and she internally cursed herself for it.

"Give it up, Berry, you might as well tell us."

Rachel sighed. "I just...the first time with Jacob wasn't...I didn't want to. At all. And sometimes it's hard to forget about it."

"That's it," Santana growled. "He's dead. So dead." Brittany reached over and put a gentle hand on Santana's arm, shaking her head and tossing her head in Rachel's direction.

Rachel glanced up at Brittany, wide eyed and chewing on her bottom lip. The blonde reached forward and brushed Rachel's hair out of her face.

"I want to make it better," Brittany whispered. She leaned in again and kissed Rachel's tear-stained cheek. "Can I make it better?" A kiss on the temple. "I'm sorry." Another kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry he hurt you." A trail of kisses down the neck. "I'm gonna make it better," the blonde murmured against Rachel's collarbone. "I'll make you all better."

Rachel threaded her fingers through Brittany's hair as the blonde nipped at her neck. A soft gasp was her only answer to Brittany's words. Suddenly, Santana was again there on her other side, a hand running slowly up Rachel's thigh, her lips on Rachel's, tongue slipping across her lips. Rachel sighed into Santana's mouth, and the Latina deepened the kiss, her hand squeezing warm flesh.

Brittany reached around her back and unhooked Rachel's bra, discarding it and gently cupped one breast, running her thumb over Rachel's nipple, it hardened at the touch.

Rachel tugged at the hem of Brittany's uniform top, and the blonde leaned back and removed it and her sports bra in one fluid motion.

Santana took the hint and started pulling her top off as well, her clothing joining the rest on the floor in only a moment.

Brittany's tongue made a trail down Rachel's chest to her breast. Rachel gasped when Brittany took her nipple into her mouth and flicked her tongue over the hard bud.

Santana slid her hand between Rachel's legs once more and she pressed against her, Rachel moving her hips silently, encouraging the brunette Cheerio to continue. She massaged Rachel's mound, outside of her panties, kissing her deeply, with one hand cradling her neck.

Brittany moved over Rachel, mouth still working on Rachel's breasts, first one, then the other, and came down to straddle the former diva's thigh.

Rachel reached up, one hand going to Santana's waist, the other sliding between her own thigh and Brittany, fingertips teasing the blonde's sex. As Santana pulled back for air, she leaned forward, capturing the Latina's nipple in her mouth.

Santana moaned, her eyes fluttering closed, and held Rachel's head to her, fingers tangling in her hair. A moment later, Rachel moved to the other breast, and Brittany was lifting up from Rachel's touch.

She stood, shoving her skirt, spankies and panties down, kicking them away and returning to her place on the brunette's lap. Rachel looked up briefly, mouth still working, and smiled around Santana's nipple, fingers sliding into Brittany's folds, through her wetness.

Brittany moaned softly, and leaned forward, attaching herself to Rachel's neck, eyes closing. "Mmm, Rachel," Brittany sighed, earning her a kiss from the brunette, having torn herself away from Santana to tug at the other Cheerio's skirt.

Santana smirked, and tugged at Brittany's shoulder. "We should all match, don't you think?" she whispered to the blonde.

Brittany nodded, smiling brightly, and lifted herself off Rachel's leg, kissing her lips in the process. "Don't you think so, Rachel?"

"What? Oh, most definitely." Rachel smiled, and nodded appreciatively at both girls' bodies, as she lifted herself and shoved her jeans and panties down, kicking them away. "Matching is good."

Santana winced internally at how painfully thin Rachel had become. She smiled sexily at her, and kicked her own clothing off her foot, then lowered herself between Rachel's thighs.

Rachel gasped, a sound which was swallowed by Brittany, whose hands were stroking gently over her flesh, scars and all. She explored Rachel slowly, kissing each hurt she found. Rachel slipped a hand around Brittany's waist, pulling her to her, guiding her down. Her fingers unerringly found their mark once more, and she felt both Cheerio's mouths working on various parts of her.

Brittany moaned into Rachel's flesh, and she felt Santana's hand on her back, stroking the heated flesh, down to her ass and across both cheeks. She flicked her tongue across Rachel's nipple, and rolled her hips into Rachel's ministrations.

Santana closed her eyes, tongue inside Rachel, fingers dueling with the other brunette's at Brittany's core. She lapped at Rachel's clit, sucking it into her mouth, and snaked her hand around Brittany, fingertips moving over the hard bud she found there, Rachel's fingers slipping inside easily.

Brittany's head fell back, her eyes closed and mouth open, ecstasy apparent on her face. A moan found its way out, and she heard herself being matched by Rachel's own voice. She reached back, fingertips running across Santana's smooth skin, and slipped inside her with two fingers, curling them just so, the Latina's own hand joining hers, rubbing circles around her clit.

Before long, the three girls were calling out in chorus, each coming undone within moments of the other two. They collapsed in a heap on one end of the couch, breathless, and each Cheerio curled up on one side of Rachel. "Are you okay, Rach?" Brittany asked softly, her breath tickling the diva's ear.

"Y'know, I think I will be," Rachel said, letting herself sink into the other girls. She wrapped an arm around Santana, and whispered into her ear. "Thank you."

The Latina looked up at her. "I give a shit," she said quietly. "We're not gonna let you go out like this, Berry." her words slurred, sleep and satisfaction thick in her voice. She leaned across, kissing her girlfriend, then kissed Rachel. "Guess we don't need pj's after all," she managed before falling asleep.

Many hours later, when the Cheerios had rolled off of her, Rachel got up quietly, dressed, and slipped upstairs and out the front door. She dug through her bag and pulled out her cell phone. She pressed a few buttons and it rang three times before she got an answer.

"Jacob, I'm coming to see you."

"I found a connection to get something stronger if you're want."

"You know I don't shoot up anymore, JewFro. Just get me the coke."


	19. Chapter 19

_Rachel stumbled down the basement steps of the library and fumbled with her cell phone to get enough light to see._

_"Peter?" she called out._

_There was no response. She took a few more steps and called out again. Again there was no response. Almost by instinct she slowly started walking towards the area where they had their set-up but she tripped over something and went crashing to the concrete floor. Rachel yelled and swore, her cell phone smashed into the floor and the light went out. She felt around for her bag and once she found it she searched it for her lighter. She flicked open the metal lid and the flame burned bright enough for her to see what she had tripped over._

_"Peter?" Rachel gasped when in the light of the flame appeared a foot. She moved the lighter up toward the head of the body to discover it was in fact him._

_"Oh God! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Peter wake up!" Rachel screeched. She shook his shoulder and when there was no response she reached out, shaking, and pressed two fingers to where his pulse should have been. There was nothing._

_Rachel grabbed her bag and the pieces of her phone and ran back toward the door and up the steps out of the library. She looked around to see if anyone saw her before searching for a pay phone and dialing 9-1-1._

_"9-1-1 what's your emergency?"_

_"There's a m-man," Rachel said. "Peter...Patches. The man that sleeps in front of the library. He's in the basement, he's dead."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I checked his pulse, there was nothing."_

_"What's your name?"_

_"I-I'm sorry, I have to go." Rachel hung up the phone and pulled her jacket tight around herself._

_She heard the rumors that went around town after that. He'd died of a heroin overdose. She clipped out the small obituary that was in the paper and tucked it in her desk drawer._


	20. Chapter 20

Rachel's phone almost blew up with texts and calls from Brittany and Santana all weekend. She ignored every single one of them and went about her business. All day Monday she managed to avoid the pair of Cheerios but in her quest to avoid them she forgot that she was also trying to avoid Quinn (as she had been for the entire school year). She just finished up the last bit of her stash when Rachel stepped out of the bathroom stall and rolled her eyes and groaned at the other occupant before rinsing her hands in the sink.

"Is there any particular reason why you're stalking me, Preggo?"

She headed toward the door and stopped with her hand on the handle when Quinn spoke.

"Is there any particular reason why you're hell bent on destroying yourself, Lindsay Lohan?"

"You and I both know you're the fucking reason I'm like this," Rachel scowled.

"No one forces you to do it."

Rachel turned around and smirked. "Congratulations, you almost sounded like you gave a fuck. Go on, I dare you to try and make it sound convincing. I dare you."

Quinn opened and closed her mouth and clenched her jaw. "Why would I give a shit about a coked-out diva?" the blonde hissed.

"You're a fucking bitch."

Rachel didn't wait for the retort, she flung open the bathroom door and stormed out to go find Jacob. She marched to the auditorium to meet him there, just as she said she would. What she was met with was Jacob getting the shit kicked out of him by none other than Santana.

"You leave her alone, you fucking psycho!" the Latina screeched. "I swear to God if you ever touch her again I will cut it off! Stop giving her drugs, stop raping her, don't even fucking think about her!"

"Santana!" Rachel shrieked. She started running toward the brunette but Brittany caught her shoulders.

"You're gonna stop, Rach," Brittany whispered. "You're not gonna hurt anymore, okay? Me and S are gonna take care of you."

"I don't need you!" Rachel growled. "Let go of me, Brittany!"

"Don't let go, B!" Santana called to her.

Santana looked down at Jacob who was curled up on the floor holding onto his stomach. Santana kicked him in the groin and the boy let out a high pitched squeak.

"Santana, stop this!"

"No! He's not going to do this anymore! Are you, Jacob? You're not going to fucking go anywhere near her ever again, are you?"

"Whatever...Rachel...wants..." he choked out.

Santana kicked him in the stomach again. "That's not the right answer you sick fuck!" She dropped to her knees and grabbed a fistful of his hair and punched him in the stomach. "Leave," punch, "her," punch, "alone." Santana dropped his head and he coughed and groaned.

"Come on, S." Brittany said. She still had her hold on Rachel's shoulders and she tugged her toward the auditorium door.

"Santana..."

"I'm not letting you out of my sight until you stop this shit, Berry." Santana grabbed one of Rachel's arms and the two Cheerios led her to Santana's car and tossed her in the back seat.

"What are you going to do with me, hm?" Rachel growled when Santana started driving.

"Right now the plan is to lock you in B's basement since her parents are gone for the week."

"My dads will come looking for me."

"I called them this morning," Brittany said. "I told them my parents were out of town for the week and asked if you could house-sit with me. They said yes. We'll go get your stuff and then go to see Mr. Ryerson and then go to my house."

"This is bullshit," Rachel mumbled. She crossed her arms over her chest and clenched her jaw shut.


	21. Chapter 21

_"I can't believe you didn't tell me, Rach." Finn's face was twisted into a combination of anger, sadness and disappointment. There was also confusion there, but then, there always was. "You let me believe I was the first."_

_"I know, it was wrong to lead you on, but... Quinn shouldn't be telling people my business either." She looked around her, and spotted David Karofsky leaning against a locker, just a few feet away, looking bored. "It's not something I want to think about, Finn. As far as I'm concerned, you're my first."_

_"I'm sorry, Rach. But you lied to me." He turned and walked away, leaving Rachel in the hallway._


	22. Chapter 22

Rachel sat on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chin. "Is this really necessary?"

Brittany nodded, sitting across from Rachel, her chair turned backwards. She had her arms crossed on the back of the seat, and she was puffing on a joint. "Cut the crap, Rach." Brittany's tone caused Rachel to snap her head up.

"What?" She looked curiously at Brittany, who took another deep drag, this time, blowing it in Rachel's face.

"I said, cut the crap. You're ruining yourself, and for what? For what reason, Rach? Drugs? JewFro?" The mention of his name caused her to make a face. "I mean, really. What is so horrible that could possibly make you... this?"

Rachel's eyes widened, shocked by Brittany's questions, and truth be told, the intelligence of them. "I...You know everything," Rachel lied, hoping the blonde would drop it.

"That's bullshit, and you know it. I'm not stupid, y'know. I may not be smart like you, or like Quinn, but I have eyes, ears and a brain. I can put two and two together." She took another hit, then passed it to Rachel, who tried to wave it off. "Smoke it, you'll be glad later that you did," she said, waving it at her, and nodding when she took it. "Tell me what hurt you so bad, you felt you may as well destroy yourself."


	23. Chapter 23

_Rachel walked along the aisle of adventure novels in Borders, searching for anything that might be a good read over the summer between dance and voice and acting lessons. She was reaching up to grab one particularly thick book that caught her eye when someone knocked into her and dropped a pile of books onto the floor._

_"Rachel!"_

_Rachel looked over at the person that had run into her and quirked her eyebrow._

_"Quinn? What are you doing here?"_

_Quinn knelt down and started picking up her books. Rachel followed suit and began stacking._

_"Buying books," Quinn said quietly. "Something to do over the summer."_

_"Don't you have Cheerios camp or something?" Rachel asked. She stood with the stack of books she'd picked up while Quinn juggled the second stack._

_"Half the squad got heat stroke last year," Quinn said, shuffling with her books. "Principal Figgins made Coach Sylvester cut it down to a week before school starts."_

_"Oh. Do you want some help? I could carry these for you." Rachel smiled and Quinn mirrored it._

_"Thanks."_

_Quinn led the way to the register and when her books were all checked out and paid for she turned to Rachel and grinned shyly._

_"You know, Rachel...if you wanted to...if you wanted to borrow any of these you could. I wouldn't mind."_

_"That's very nice of you, Quinn. I was looking for something to keep me occupied between my various classes I'm taking this summer. I don't know what all you have, though."_

_"Oh, well...you could come over, maybe? I have a lot of other books, you could look through those if you wanted. And I haven't eaten lunch yet, we have a lot of leftovers or we could order a pizza. Whatever you like."_

_Quinn's smile was hopeful, Rachel noticed. The blonde's eyes were begging for Rachel to say yes. So she did. They ate pizza and Rachel went through Quinn's massive collection of books and Quinn was all smiles and she would sometimes touch Rachel's shoulder when she pointed out a book she thought the brunette might like and she would smile widely when Rachel nodded and pulled the book off the shelf._

_Before long, the girls were seated on Quinn's bed, small stacks of books surrounding them, a plate of cookies on the nightstand. "You have really good taste in literature, Quinn. I'm impressed."_

_Quinn tilted her head slightly, wondering why that should impress the brunette, but didn't ask. Instead, she smiled, and gently laid a hand over Rachel's, idly tracing patterns on top of a leather-bound volume at the same time. "I think it's really kind of awesome that we have similar tastes. Finn doesn't read at all, and Santana just reads comic books."_

_Rachel looked down at their hands, and blushed, though she wasn't sure why. "Comic books are a viable form of literature." She giggled, and turned her hand over under Quinn's, grasping lightly. "Or at least, that's what my Daddy tells me."_

_"I don't think my dad's ever picked up a comic book, unless you count Chick tracts." One hand ceased it's patterns, as the one in Rachel's began, random strokes of Quinn's thumb running over the back of the brunette's hand._

_"Quinn," Rachel began softly, almost whispering. "This has been amazing."_

_"I think so too," Quinn said, just as quietly. "Rachel, can I ask you something?"_

_"Anything." Her stomach did a flip, and her sixth sense told her it was important._

_"Have you ever thought about... kissing a girl?" Quinn bit her lip, blushing and looking down at their hands._

_Rachel nodded. "A few times. I do have two gay dads, y'know."_

_Quinn nodded also, silently berating herself. "Right, dumb question."_

_"Quinn?" Rachel ducked her head, looking up at the blonde._

_"Mm?" She looked up at Rachel shyly, the blush lingering in her cheeks._

_Rachel smiled, and stroked Quinn's cheek lightly with the backs of her fingertips. "You're beautiful," she said simply._

_Quinn leaned in, and kissed Rachel gently, her lips kneading softly. Her free hand came up, mimicking Rachel's action, then slid back to wrap her fingers around the brunette's neck. Her eyes closed slowly, and she inhaled Rachel's sigh. She pulled back slightly, then leaned in again, a bit more confidence in her kiss. Rachel sighed again, and this time Quinn deepened the kiss, her tongue slipping between Rachel's lips, to caress the brunette's._

_Suddenly Quinn pulled back, eyes darting to the door. "Shit...I..." She turned to Rachel, and smiled, her eyes sad. "Sorry, I just... if my parents came in... but I really kind of liked that."_

_Rachel smiled, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. "So did I. We could do that again, if you wanted," she said, quickly adding, "somewhere else."_

_Quinn nodded. "I'd like that." She leaned down, slipping on her shoes. "I'd like to be anywhere else."_

_Rachel beamed, and gathered the books she was borrowing from Quinn. "Come on, I know a spot."_


	24. Chapter 24

Santana came down the stairs and handed Rachel a bottle of water. "Drink. You have to stay hydrated."

The Latina kissed Brittany, who got up, declaring, "I'm hungry, I'll be back."

Rachel rolled her eyes, but was only half paying attention to Santana. "Come on, guys, I'm okay, really."

Santana sat down, lighting a joint and exhaling a large cloud of smoke towards Rachel. "If you're okay, I'm straight," she said through a sneer. "Drink your water." She took another hit then offered the joint to Rachel, leaning forward and physically pushing at her to get her to pay attention.

Rachel toked, and as she began to relax slightly, her mind drifted.


	25. Chapter 25

Santana came down the stairs and handed Rachel a bottle of water. "Drink. You have to stay hydrated."

The Latina kissed Brittany, who got up, declaring, "I'm hungry, I'll be back."

Rachel rolled her eyes, but was only half paying attention to Santana. "Come on, guys, I'm okay, really."

Santana sat down, lighting a joint and exhaling a large cloud of smoke towards Rachel. "If you're okay, I'm straight," she said through a sneer. "Drink your water." She took another hit then offered the joint to Rachel, leaning forward and physically pushing at her to get her to pay attention.

Rachel toked, and as she began to relax slightly, her mind drifted.


	26. Chapter 26

Rachel shivered miserably in Brittany's arms. "Please, B? I j..just... need... a little..." Tears poured from her eyes, and she rubbed her face on Brittany's shoulder.

"No, Rachel," Brittany said firmly. "I've got you, it's okay. It's going to be okay, Rachel."

"No, Britt...Santana!" she exclaimed, seeing the other girl walk into the room holding a joint. "You'll let me have some, won't you? Please? Just a little..."

"I called Mr. Ryerson," Santana said to Brittany, ignoring Rachel's pleas. She held out the joint to Brittany. "I rolled a bunch upstairs." She tossed her head in Rachel's direction. "She's gonna get sick soon."

Brittany nodded and told Santana with her eyes that she loved her. "Thanks, S."

Santana smiled for the briefest of moments at Brittany, before nodding and moving toward the stairs. "I'll make some tea," she said, ascending.

"You don't care about me!" Rachel screeched. "You'd give me some if you did!" She tried to pull out of Brittany's hold, but the blonde was stronger than Rachel on a normal basis. Rachel's weakened condition made it that much easier to hold her still.

Brittany took a pull and blew the smoke in Rachel's face. "Take a hit, Rach. You'll feel a little better."

Rachel shook her head wildly, attempting to break free, then sagged against the Cheerio again, crying. "I just need a little..." Suddenly she lurched, and Brittany calmly tucked the joint between her lips and grabbed the trash can, placing it next to them and sweeping Rachel's hair back from her face in one fluid motion, just in time for Rachel to vomit.

"That's it, Rachel," she said softly, rubbing the brunette's back. "You're gonna be all better soon," she said quietly.


	27. Chapter 27

_Rachel grinned as Quinn led the way upstairs to the blonde's bedroom. Her parents were supposed to be going out of town for the weekend and Rachel had been granted permission from her dads to stay with her girlfriend. Rachel found this as absolutely perfect seeing as how Quinn was to start Cheerios camp in a few days and they wouldn't have much time between that and school._

_Quinn dropped Rachel's bag on her bedroom floor and immediately beckoned the brunette into bed with her. Rachel obliged with a Cheshire cat smile. Her lips connected with the blonde's and she followed her as Quinn fell back to the bed. Rachel straddled the girl's hips and giggled a little as she kissed her way down Quinn's neck and pushed the hem of her shirt up. Quinn's hands roamed up Rachel's back and pulled at her shirt. Rachel let it be pulled over her head and Quinn's soon followed it to the floor. Rachel again attached her lips to Quinn's neck and the blonde let out a soft moan._

"_What the __**hell**__ is going on?" a voice thundered from the doorway._

_Rachel leapt off of the girl pinned underneath her and scrambled to grab a blanket. Quinn tugged half of the blanket away from her to cover her own chest. Rachel looked up into the eyes of Quinn's father. The man was almost purple, there were no less than three veins throbbing in his forehead and his fists were clenched at his sides._

"_I…Daddy…"_

"_You," he pointed to Rachel. "You get your things and you get out of my house. Now!"_

"_Mr. Fabray…"_

"_Get out of my house you immoral trash!"_

_Rachel squeaked. Russell Fabray stormed down the hallway and the brunette grabbed her shirt off the floor. Quinn sat on her bed clutching the blanket close to her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks. Rachel pulled her shirt on and cautiously sat back down next to the blonde._

"_Will you be okay?" Rachel whispered as she tucked Quinn's hair back behind her ear. "He won't hurt you or anything, will he?"_

_Quinn shrugged. "I don't know what he'll do."_

_Rachel wrapped her arms around her trembling girlfriend and kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her neck, and finally a lingering kiss on her lips._

"_It'll be okay," Rachel assured her. "It'll all be okay."_

_Not really wanting to but having no other choice, Rachel picked up her bag and headed out Quinn's bedroom door. She looked over her shoulder before and sighed before she quickly darted down the hallway and to the stairs. She heard Russell yelling degrading things after her as she made it to the front door._

_Three hours later Rachel was sitting on the couch with a tear stained pillow clutched to her chest and her knees drawn up just staring off at nothing. She'd called her dads to come get her and try as they might on the ride home and all afternoon they couldn't get Rachel to do anything but sit on the couch. She didn't do anything but cry until the doorbell rang. She didn't move, she let one of her dads answer._

"_Quinn," he gasped when he opened the door._

_Rachel sprang off the couch and nearly knocked into her dad when she got to the front door. He excused himself and Rachel moved forward but Quinn stepped back._

"_I can't," she whispered._

_Rachel looked over Quinn's shoulder to see Russell sitting in his car in her driveway watching closely._

"_Are you okay?" Rachel asked, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the blonde._

_Quinn nodded. "We can't see each other anymore," she said. "It…" she swallowed hard and looked over her shoulder, "it's a sin, what we were doing. I was going against God and it was wrong."_

"_Your dad told you to say that," Rachel whimpered. "You don't believe it."_

_Tears slipped out of Quinn's eyes and she sniffled, steeling herself. "It was only for the summer anyways. Just something to entertain me."_

"_Don't do this, Quinn, please." Rachel could see the lie slowly being covered up by the wall Quinn was carefully building._

"_You disgust me."_

_Before Rachel could plead anymore Quinn had turned away from her and was quickly making her way back to the car. Russell glared at her and shook his head, Rachel half expected him to throw a Bible at her. She watched him back out of the driveway and drive off, a piece of her heart leaving with them._


	28. Chapter 28

Not ever having expected to play the true-life role of a drug addict so soon in her short life and career, Rachel came through the withdrawals with remarkable fortitude. Head held high, she stepped into the halls of McKinley High with Santana on one side and Brittany on the other. She'd been clean for almost a month, and she honestly felt better.

"Don't forget to talk to Finn," Santana said.

Brittany nodded her agreement. "He's a good place to start. Make amends for hurting him. Like Q should do with you, because of her dad."

"I will, guys. In fact, I think I'm gonna go find him. I'll see you guys in math," she said as she turned down the hall toward the gymnasium. Rachel stepped slowly into the locker room. "Finn?" she called, eyes darting around the room.

"Pretty boy ain't here," Karofsky sneered. "But we are. Seen the way he looks at you, Streisand. Maybe us real men can help you out..." he advanced, several other boys emerging from behind the lockers.

"I... don't think so... Maybe he's in the choir room..." She turned, wanting to leave quickly, and finding still more boys blocking her path.

"Oh yeah, I think we can definitely help you out..." He cupped his crotch suggestively as two of his teammates grabbed Rachel's arms and held her to them.

"David, don't do this, please..." She struggled against the boys, practically begging.

He unlaced his hockey uniform pants, and advanced on her, grasping her chin and squeezing, holding her face still. "You been giving it up to Hudson, Puckerman, shit, I even heard you gave it up to Fabray and who knows who else... Now it's our turn." He nodded to the boys holding her, and they dropped to their knees, pulling her down with them.

"Please, no..." As she opened her mouth, he shoved himself inside, hardening painfully as he felt her tongue scrape against his flesh.

"Yeaaah..." he said, almost a groan. "Rumor is, you have no gag reflex. Let's find out how true that is." He grabbed a handful of hair, shoving her mouth down on him.

She swallowed, eyes tearing, and gasped for air through her runny nose. "Finn!" she tried to scream as Karofsky withdrew, but the sound strangled in her throat, coming out as a sad squawk.

"Boone, Johnson, strip her. We're gonna have ourselves some fun real quick, while Coach is out." The boys set to their task, Rachel putting up very little fight, her mind trying to go blank. "Oh, no you don't," Karofsky said, slapping her across the face, bringing her back to full alertness. "It ain't no fun if you're cata...if you ain't here with the rest of us."

Rachel looked up at him, tears streaming down her face, and as she opened her mouth to speak, he shoved his cock in her mouth again. "I said I wanted you awake. I didn't say nothin' about talking."

Once she was nude, Karofsky withdrew again, pushing her roughly. She sprawled backwards, legs falling open. He seized the opportunity, and dropped down on top of her, rolling a condom on and forcing his way inside her.

She began to scream through the tears, but Boone unzipped, and slid his cock into her mouth, muffling the shout. She pushed against Boone's thighs, attempting to push him away from her, but he laughed and held her hands down.

Soon enough, Karofsky grunted, and slipped out, backing up and motioning for Johnson to take his place. The hockey player also rolled a condom on, and shoved inside her.

After Johnson, Boone, and several other hockey players had had their turn, Karofsky looked around making sure they were all dressed and indicated they should leave, quickly. He spit on Rachel, sneering down at her. "Enjoyed it, whore? Tell anyone, and you'll get ten times worse." He spun on his heel, walking out quickly, leaving Rachel to collect herself, sobbing.

She stood on shaky feet, taking note of the blood and fluid on the floor where she'd been lying a moment before. Pulling on her clothes, she managed to walk out, and hurried to the girl's locker room to shower and change, her face covered in tears, and a blank expression in her eyes.


	29. Chapter 29

Rachel sat down on a bench in the locker room, her hair still damp from her shower. Schooling her face into one of resolve, she picked up her phone and sent a text, nodding with satisfaction at the reply. Standing up, she walked through the school, entering the auditorium and jogging up the stage steps, disappearing into the wings.

"I knew it was a matter of time, Rachel. Your Sapphic sisters couldn't keep you away from what you really needed," Jacob said, standing near the curtain ropes, a smirk on his face.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, nostrils flaring impatiently. "Just give me the cocaine, Jacob. I don't have time for your nonsense." She held her hand out, anxious to be rid of the images haunting her.

He held out a baggie, larger than usual. "You know the price, Rachel. And it's gone up since my run-in with your totem toppers." He stroked himself through his pants. "On your knees."

Rachel began to shudder, visuals flying across her eyes. "Please, just let me have a little before..."

Jacob looked at her curiously, then split open the baggie. "Hold out your hand." He poured a little out, as she stretched it toward him, and watched as she brought it to her nose, inhaling deeply, her eyes beginning to glaze over. "Now, on your knees."

Rachel sighed, and dropped to her knees, expecting him to step forward, but he circled her and pushed, stepping up behind her as she fell forward.

"I've been waiting for this, and now I'm going to enjoy it." She felt him lift her skirt, pulling down her panties, and she heard the condom packet tear and she waited as she knew he rolled it on. Unexpectedly, he positioned himself at her rear entrance. He pressed in, groaning loudly and she cried out in pain. He slowly began to slide in and out of her, his moans getting louder until he spent himself, sliding limply out of her, condom filled. Tossing the bag at her, he clumsily stood, sliding the condom off and tossing it in a trashcan. "See you around, Rachel."


	30. Chapter 30

Rachel sat on the edge of the stage, staring at the half-empty baggie. She scooped a little out with her nail, and quickly it disappeared up her nose, followed by another bump, and another.

She felt herself dropping into a blissful dream-like state, reminding her almost of heroin. Distantly, she remembered the baggie, and closed her fist tight, not wanting to drop it in her haze.

She felt her pulse beating hard and fast in her chest, as the images of her day flew past her vision. Pulling herself out of her state, she poured a larger bump out onto her fist, and inhaled deeply, then again, till all the powder on her hand was gone.

She felt her nose begin to run, and she wiped her hand across it, eyes widening as she noticed the blood smeared across her skin.

She flailed, trying to get her body to cooperate, but realized with dismay that while her brain was talking, her limbs weren't listening. Trapped in her body, she watched helplessly as the wall slid into the ceiling, as she fell backwards.

She slowly became aware of her own tears coating her face, Quinn's visage swimming before her. She whispered a prayer to the angel wearing her nemesis' face, and then saw nothing.


	31. Chapter 31

Quinn sighed as she wandered aimlessly around the hallways of McKinley High. She didn't feel much like going home and this was pretty much her only other option. She furrowed her eyebrows at a strange sound, like someone had dropped something heavy, just as she passed the open door of the auditorium. She cautiously looked around the doorframe into the large space to see Rachel sprawled out on the stage.

"No…oh no…"

The blonde's heart dropped and she hurried to the brunette's side and knelt down.

"Rachel…Rachel can you hear me?"

Rachel's eyelids fluttered briefly and the girl whispered something about an angel before her eyes slipped shut. Quinn attempted to remain calm and used what she'd learned in health class and picked up Rachel's wrist to check for a pulse. The small girl had something clutched in her hand, Quinn pried her fingers open and out fell a bag with white powder residue. Quinn panicked. She pulled out her phone and fumbled with the buttons, dropping the phone twice before finally gaining enough composure to press 9-1-1.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"M-my friend…she's…she collapsed! Please you have to come help!" Quinn cried into the phone. She stroked Rachel's hair and silently begged for whoever might be listening to let the diva pull through.

"Ma'am, I need you to calm down. What's your location?"

"M-McKinley H-high! P-please you have to hurry!"

"We're sending a unit out right now. Where in the school are you?"

"Th-the auditorium!"

"Where is that?"

Quinn looked around, trying to remember the pathway to get to where she was. Her head was spinning; everything was blurred together, nothing looked right. The tears in her eyes didn't help matters any. She looked around some more and somewhere in her brain she hatched a plan.

"Th-the front! Come to the front!"

"Okay, I'm going to put you on hold for just a minute sweetie so I can call the paramedics out. I need you to stay on the line and stay calm, okay?"

Quinn pressed her phone between her shoulder and her ear and completely ignoring the protruding baby bump, she reached under Rachel's knees with one arm and her neck with the other and attempted to lift the girl off the ground. She failed miserably. She fell back on her knees and let out a sob.

"Please just let me do this," she mumbled. "Please…"

The blonde tried again, lifting with everything she had and she almost didn't realize she'd done it until she was upright with Rachel in her arms. Slowly, she shuffled through the hallways and her mind cleared enough for her to get her to the front doors of the school. The dispatcher came back on the line and kept talking to her, Quinn answered with grunts and strangled one-word answers as she sought out her goal. She carried Rachel through the corridors until she saw the light coming in from the windows of the front doors of the school. She heard the sirens before she got to the doors and her knees gave out.

Quinn held on to Rachel's hand and pressed her lips to the girl's forehead and begged her to hold on. When the paramedics came bursting through the doors one of them ushered Quinn out of the way while the other two tried to find a place for an IV.

"What happened?" the woman holding onto Quinn's shoulders tried to focus the blonde's attention elsewhere. "Sweetie, I need you to tell us what happened."

"C-cocaine…" Quinn choked out. "I-I think sh-she overdosed!"

"Okay, listen to me, we're going to take care of her, alright?"

Quinn nodded.

"How are you? Are you feeling okay?"

Quinn nodded again.

"Are you sure? You look a little flushed."

Quinn swallowed hard and just as she turned her head to look at Rachel there was a stabbing pain in her stomach and she almost fell to her knees, the paramedic held her up and slowly let her down. The world started spinning and there was another pain.

"Hon, how far along are you?" she heard a far off voice ask.

"S-seven months."

"We need to get you to the hospital."

Quinn blinked, her eyelids heavy. When she looked down the last thing she saw was a pool of her own blood underneath her before everything went black.


	32. Chapter 32

Rachel's eyelids fluttered, and she slowly became aware of her surroundings, panic beginning to set in. She tested her limbs experimentally, finding she could once again move.

She saw a team of doctors run past her room, and heard one doctor say, "seven months... brought in from McKinley High..."

Eyes widening, she forced herself to stand, fingers wrapping around the pole of her IV.

She walked haltingly down the hall, coming to stand outside the door to Quinn's room, watching the doctors moving around her.

"...hemorrhaging... emergency birth...losing her..." She heard their voices, heard the machines beeping, all the noise blending together, and suddenly knew how she came to the hospital.

Making her way back to her room, she silently cried, a single tear rolling down her cheek.


	33. Chapter 33

A deafening silence echoed off the choir room walls. Eleven glee club members. One teacher. One guidance counselor.

"Guys, Ms. Pillsbury is here for whatever you need," Mr. Schuster said, rubbing his forehead. "I know this is hard for you but if you need to talk, she's assured me that her door will be open."

The redhead nodded. Rachel felt the doe eyes settle on her. The brunette looked down. She felt a hand on her right shoulder and knew it was Santana. A pale hand gripped her left, it was Brittany. Rachel didn't care enough to shrug either one of them off. The room stayed silent.

"Well…you all know where my office is," Ms. Pillsbury said quietly.

There were murmurs from different corners of the room. Rachel listened to the woman's footsteps as she walked out the door. Santana's grip tightened a little and Brittany pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"It'll be okay, Rach," the blonde whispered.

Rachel jerked her hand away and shook her head before standing up and storming out of the room. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do, just that she needed to be away from everyone. Especially Brittany and Santana. The brunette wandered the hallway and ended up in a familiar space. She saw a locker opened and furrowed her eyebrows when she saw blonde hair cascading down the back of the person that was standing there.

"Excuse me?" the brunette asked weakly, knowing that she wouldn't be met with who she wanted.

The woman turned around, Rachel jumped back a little at the glare that Judy Fabray gave her.

"You," the woman growled.

"Mrs. Fabray…"

"You killed my baby!" Judy cried out, her shrill voice echoing off the hallway. "You killed her baby and you killed my baby!"

Rachel swallowed hard. "I…I never…"

"It wasn't an accident! You had something to do with it, I know you did you filthy little whore! This is your fault! They told me you were there! You were there and you didn't do anything, this is your fault!"

The words Judy Fabray yelled at her were words that had echoed in Rachel's head several times since that afternoon. Hearing them from someone else's mouth, though, made the guilt consume her. The tears flowed freely as Quinn's mother stared her down.

"Mrs. Fabray…" she finally choked out. "I'm so sorry…"

The woman growled and shook her head. She turned back to Quinn's locker and Rachel wiped the tears from her eyes. Something was thrown at her, she caught it in her hands. It was a notebook with her name on it, a gold star at the end.

"Get out of here," Judy growled. "Get away from me. Stay away from my family."

Rachel nodded a little before turning to head to the parking lot, notebook clutched in her arms.


	34. Chapter 34

Rachel slumped down on the ground next to 7-eleven, chuckling bitterly that this was where she'd wound up, right where she'd been so many times before.

She pulled the crumpled composition notebook out of her bag, and opened it, reading words, now familiar.

_Dear Rachel,_

_I know you're never going to read this, if I'm honest with myself, I can admit it's my own fault. This thing inside me is just another disgusting reminder of how I've fucked up._

She lit a cigarette, her mascara caked around her eyes as she remembered.

_I only ever wanted you. Since we were kids, I watched you singing quietly to yourself in the corner of the schoolyard, and wanted to know you. Santana told me you were weird, and icky, and I listened._

_Guess it's ironic that now she's your friend._

She sniffled hard, wiping her nose on a sleeve.

_I know you're smart enough to have figured out by now it was the same night. What you may not have realized is from his bed, I came straight to yours._

_I know I treated you like shit. I had to. I didn't know how else to deal._

Rachel flicked her finished smoke away, and read the last.

_So even though I laugh at you, and call you names, and have his disgusting spawn in my belly... I love you. And I probably always will._

_Now that Mr. Schue and Mrs. Schue broke up, I'm stuck with this thing, so I'm just gonna be grateful that Puck and you look a little alike, and name her Rachel, when I'm far away from here._

_I know it doesn't count for much, but I feel terrible for what you've gone through, and I'm so happy Santana helped you. It nearly killed me watching you destroy yourself, I've almost told you so many times... but I couldn't._

_I still can't. I don't know what's wrong with me, why I can admit it to myself, but not to you. Maybe I'm afraid you wouldn't feel the same way, maybe I'm afraid you would. Maybe I'm scared that God will strike me down like my daddy always told me He did to gays._

_I just can't._

Rachel placed the book on the concrete, and slowly, carefully, knelt next to it. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a lighter, and lit the edge of the cover, watching as it slowly began to burn. Standing, she pulled a baggie out of her pocket, slit it open, inhaled its contents, and walked away, her back to the tiny blaze.


End file.
